Voluntary Separation
by proud-yaoi-fangirl
Summary: Hikaru decides its time to split from Koaru. But how will Kaoru handle that? And can Hikaru handle it? beware Yaoi twincest if you no likey then dont read
1. decision

**HEY YALL!! waves like a maniac This is my first story and I would like all of your imput so send me something. For those of you that didnt read the little blurb that told you what this was about its a yaoi twincest... and for those of you that are still a little slow on the intake that mean its family boy on boy love (or as my friend Shimansky would say: Bother butt sex anime) So if you no likey then get the heck outy and I dont want to hear how gross you think this is. I want constructive critisim not stupid people thank you very much.  
Yours allways  
B-chan**

**Finally the disclaimer: I B-chan do not in anyway own the rights to these characters or Ouran Host Club. Though I wish I did tear**

**Hope you likey waves NOW GO READ!! MWAHAHAHA! gets dragged away by Mori Sempai But they love me they love me...**

Kaoru sat up late and watched the sleeping form next to him. He had the same orangey red hair, and matching freckles, even their breathing was the same. His twin. His other half…

Setting his book down he sighed and pulled the blanket over Hikaru's shoulders before getting out of bed to use the bathroom. He shivered lightly, almost delicately, without his brothers warmth there beside him. Is fuzzy bunny covered feet padded lightly through the room into the connecting bathroom.

It was in these few private moments he had, without the hustle and bustle of the host club and his brother's constant distraction, he thought.

_Why do you make me feel this way? _He asked himself almost expecting Hikaru's voice to intrude. _I know it's wrong. You're my brother and yet my feelings are very un-brother like._

Climbing back into bed he watched Hikaru's sleeping form for a few more minutes before falling asleep himself.

* * *

Hikaru woke with a start. It was still dark outside and the little green light next to him was flashing 4:05am. He had been dreaming, falling, and nobody would help him. He had seen Haruhi talking with Tamaki paying him no mind. Not lifting a finger to help. Hunny and Mori Sempai were together eating a huge cake. And Kaoru, the one person who should be there to save him was laying in the sun, a shadowed figure bent over kissing him.

As he fell he realized with a sharp pain in his gut that he did not care about Haruhi and Tamaki, and their relationship, as he hurled to his death. But even in the face of certain death, witnessing his beloved brother in the arms of another was almost more than he could bare. Heart wrenching jealousy shot through him in waves. Even after awaking from the nightmare the aftershocks of the earth-shattering envy remained.

So he watched his beautiful sleeping twin. Reminding himself that Kaoru was there… for now.

In his head he unknowingly repeated the words his double said only hours before. _Why do you make me feel this way? It's wrong. _But no answers came to him.

With a sigh he sat up and stared at the sleeping teen beside him. An outsider would look at them and see only the similarities. The matching pair of eyes, the same height, even the identical dimples on each of their (lower) cheeks. He sat up that night remembering their differences. And they were there aplenty. One parted his hair to the left and the other to the right. One had a small mole above him left nipple and the other had a small mole under it. Hikaru had a small scar on his ankle from where he had fallen out of a tree when he was little (Kaoru had come to his aid then). And Kaoru had, if anyone searched hard enough, a small raised scar on the back of his head.

Physically wasn't the only way they were different. No, the real difference was in their personalities. Kaoru was shy and reserved, sometimes even cold (though not as cold as Kyoya). He was innocent without trying. His eyes beautiful and clear, and whenever they looked upon Hikaru there was absolute trust held within them.

"If only you knew how much you couldn't trust me" He whispered into the night. "How much I want you." _How much I want to hurt you. _His mind echoed. _I want you to feel the same pain I feel now. You tease me by blushing ever so sweetly. By flirting just enough to tempt me then turning to the next girl. You push me, and I hate it. I want to hate you. But I cant… I love you. _And he did. It simply was, like the sun rising and setting each day, and the trees blowing in the wind, his love for Kaoru simply was…

He sighed again heavily. Kaoru rolled over and moved closer to him.

"Mmmffrrl" Kaoru mumbled cutely his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip.

It was torture on his mind and his body. He hated the way his muscles tightened and "things" hardened to his beautiful little brother's touches and sounds.

So it was then that he resolved himself to force these feelings away. It was the summer and the Host club was working at a large resort that Tamaki's family owned. He had the job to keep him occupied and then there was the host club itself, and the little parties and functions Tamaki always had planned. And even when that all wasn't enough there was Haruhi. She was pretty, and smart, and he was convinced she would be his savior.

He bent down and kissed his lovely little brother gently on the lips. "I love you. But its time one of us leaves…before it kills us"


	2. Usaka Benjiro

* * *

Three weeks passed since the night Hikaru made the pact with himself, and he had managed to avoid his brother very well, staying busy around the resort and with Haruhi (much to Tamaki's irritation). Only being alone with his twin late at night when they were both to exhausted to do anything more than sleep.

His plan was working better than anything he had hoped for. But as his life became increasingly more hectic something very small, but very important was dying inside him. The connection to his brother, that had been his lifeline for so long, seemed to wither and die, like a flower without water. He missed the smiles and the blushes. He missed the way Kaoru had a tendency to scrunch his nose while he was in deep thought and the way his eyes lit up in excitement. But most of all he missed just being able to be with him, the unspoken bond that let them be in the same room together for hour upon hours without the need for conversation.

With a heavy sigh he heaved himself out of the chair, his break was over. "Hi ho hi ho it's off to work I go" He sang with a little smirk. Today Haruhi, Mori, Hunny, and he would be teaching customers the bunny hop. His smile grew even wider at the mental image of Mori hopping around.

But when he entered the brightly lit air conditioned room his face fell at the sight that greeted him. Hunny waved and squealed in pleasure that they could now start, Mori watched the crowed in embarrassment (as he and Hunny sempai were both wearing matching bunny suits), and a reflection of himself smiling and talking to a group of giggling girls and a guy Hikaru didn't recognize hanging onto his precious brother's shoulders.

_Why is he here? _Hikaru asked faintly annoyed by the absence of Haruhi, but even more disturbed by the boy so close to HIS brother. _Who is that? What gives him the right to hang all over Koaru?_

"Where is Haruhi?" He demanded of his double. The beautiful eyes, that had only nanoseconds before looked upon the crowed with such warmth and happiness, froze into green ice as he looked up at Hikaru. Nobody saw it but Hikaru though and in a split second it was gone replaced by a practiced blush and shy lowered eyes.

"I missed you" The delicate voice whispered breathlessly to the delight of the audience. "So we traded He is with Tamaki giving swimming lessons… you aren't mad are you?"

Almost like second nature Hikaru jumped into his part as the loving brother. Grabbing his brother's arms he pulled the younger boy to his chest, with a little more power and possessiveness than was probably needed, and whispered just loud enough for the enthralled audience to hear. "Of cores not. Why would I be angry at the chance to see you dance?"

Kaoru blushed darkly, adverting his eyes before walking away slowly to gather the people with Mori and Hunny Sempai. The boy that had previously been hanging on Kaoru watched intently as he walked away. Hikaru silently fumed at the way his brother had overtly blown him off (At least to him it was overt). At the way Kaoru's hips swayed gently as he walked, it was just enough to be enticing while not being completely feminine. But most of all at the boy's approving looks he sent to his double.

Now that he was close enough to see the boy was a little older than the twins and very attractive. He had long black hair pulled back into a low pony tail at the nape of his neck, glowing amethyst eyes, and an even tan. From what Hikaru could see the boy was built bigger than the twins, more muscular toned, his features were all well defined with high cheek bones and arching eyebrows. He was defiantly attractive and from the look in his eye he was very attracted to Kaoru.

Hikaru moved away from the boy, less he act on the urge to punch him. (Which he was sure Kyoya would throw a fit about, sails dropping because of violence. Yada yada yada) Gathering up his thoughts and emotions he trotted up to the rest of the group who had started the lesson already.

* * *

Kaoru watched his older brother leave after clean up. As per usual Hikaru played the loving brother while the crowds watched with bated breath, but once they left he became distant. It scared Kaoru.

"Did I do something wrong?" He asked himself quietly dumping the last of the trash into the waste can.

"What was that?" Kaoru almost jumped out of his skin at the sound of the deep voice behind him. When he turned he was engulfed in beautiful amethyst pools.

"Usaka sama" Kaoru murmured with a smile. He had met the man a few days ago when he had dropped a watermelon and Usaka sama had come to his rescue. (I know cheesy Dirty dancing reference) The young man's smile and kind eyes were an instant comfort to the small lonely redhead.

"Please call me Benjiro." He said softly his voice a low calm rumble like the thunder of an afternoon shower. True to his name he radiated peace and calmness.

"Benjiro kun, why are you still here?" The younger twin asked as he put up the broom and dust pan. "Shouldn't you be lounging by the pool or playing games with the other guests?"

Benjiro smiled down at the boy. "I was making sure you didn't need my help with anymore water melons. Besides I think the people by the pool are would be greatly appreciative that they are not being blinded by the paleness of my skin reflecting the sun." With that Kaoru laughed, for the first time in weeks. It felt good. "Why don't you do that more often?"

"What?" Kaoru asked smiling goofily as they walked out of the building and into the hot afternoon sun.

"Laugh" Replied the dark haired man as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "You smile for your brother and for your fans, but its so forced, fake. When you smile like that it makes your eyes light up and your cheeks turn pink. You look utterly adorable if you don't mind me being so forward as to say so."

Kaoru blushed a dark red at the compliment but didn't say anything. It felt good to be seen by someone again as himself and not just the other half of the pair. Haruhi used to see him but between Hikaru, Tamaki, and Kyoya she had been a little preoccupied. Not that Kaoru was jealous but he, like everyone else, liked to be noticed every now and again. Hikaru was the only one who had constantly seen him as a brother, a friend, and as _his _other half, but recently Hikaru hadn't been around except in bed late at night. But this man. This Usaka Benjiro saw him.

"You should come over for dinner tonight Kaoru." The deep calming voice broke through his thoughts.

"I'm sorry but I cant." He saw the mans face drop at his refusal. "Not because I don't want to." He quickly amended. "But the host club is having a small dinner party (small being at least 100 people if Tamaki had any say in it) tonight. But you could come to that, and then if you like you can even stay with my brother and I since it is closer than your cabin and the party wont be over till at least 3am"

"Deal. But only if you promise to come and eat with me soon" Benjiro said with a nod.

"Deal" Kaoru bounced happily and couldn't wait to have someone to talk to other than himself for once. But though his request was made innocently enough he failed to see the not so innocent sparkle in Usaka's eyes.

* * *

**Moshi moshi its B-chan again - I finally got this up and posted to the delight of my buddy Sonia Chan - (Hi Sonia waves then all sneaky like pokes her boob)  
Sonia: O.O  
Rich: growls  
B-chan: smiles inocently**

**ANYWAYS lol I really hope you all like and send me many reviews. Im not really sure if I like this chapter and if I get enough imput I may change it to make it a little better. Welp I really hope to hear from you but now I must leave and get some much needed sleep.**


	3. Strawberry cheesecake and sex

****

Hey yall B-chan here... I know you havent heard anything from me in a while but I've been really busy. I changed computers three times this summer (my dad just couldnt deside which one he wanted me to have) and Ive been working like no tomarrow. But tomarrow is the first day of school so I figured I should update today and as a new (school) year resalution I am gonna try to update every sunday. Also I have some amazing ideas for some new stories (mostly oneshots though). Well to all my readers I thank you greatly for waiting around for this chapter and I appologize for the LONG wait. -  
Love allways  
B-chan

* * *

Hikaru glared, covertly, from the other side of the room. The group of girls he was dancing with camouflaged him easily. But his full attention was on his little brother, surrounded by his own flock of girls. However the older boy standing behind Kaoru, moving against him, was the reason for the older twin's attention.

"You look amazing tonight." A younger girl whispered in the older twin's ear.

"Thank you." He whispered back plastering on his trademark, mischievous, smile. The girl almost swooned with excitement. "You look…" He paused for effect. "Ravishing." Down went the girl in happiness.

As the night went on the twins, as if pulled by some invisible force moved closer together, their horde of young girls blended into one mass each fighting for the attention of a twin all the while waiting for the brothers to live up to their act.

It was intoxicating to be this close to the younger boy. He could smell the Honeysuckle and Jasmine cologne, by Jo Malone, mixed with his own sent. He could see the way the clover green fabric of his shirt clung to his body when he moved, making his eyes seem even greener than usual. He could hear the light laughter that fell from those beautiful lips. The attack on his senses did wonderful yet terrible things to Hikaru's body and mind.

"You look wonderful little brother." Hikaru said commanding everyone's attention. "And smell quite delicious" For emphasis he licked the spot on Kaoru's neck right below his left ear. The younger boy gasped and stiffened slightly in his arms, while blushing innocently.

"Oh Hikaru you've smelled this cologne on me before." It was true, this was his doubles favorite cologne, thus becoming Hikaru's addiction.

"So?" He asked, repeating the action causing the younger Hitachiin to squirm and the crowd surrounding them to squeal. "It's like strawberry cheesecake or…sex. No matter how many times you have it, the next taste is always as amazing as the first" The squeals were deafening and many boxes of tissues suddenly appeared to stop the flow of blood from a few girls' noses at the overt innuendo. Both twins knew that in the morning they would receive tons of strawberry cheesecake.

"Hika...Hikaru" That one word was whispered lightly into the older twins ear as they danced, for him alone, and despite his secret declaration not to, he found himself wanting Kaoru more than he ever thought possible.

_Maybe I can't do this. _He thought to himself. _Maybe I don't want to do this, I mean as long as I don't act on my feelings everything will be fine. Right?_

He looked over his brother's shoulder to the crowd surrounding them. Girls danced, moving as one sweaty, pulsing, decidedly beautiful mass, the twins feeding off the energy surrounding them. It was then that his eyes fell on his striking features of his brother's date. The dark haired boy glared at oldest Hitachiin not even attempting to hide his animosity.

This brought a cocky smile to Hikaru's lips as he pulled his little brother closer. He knew it wasn't right. He knew that he should push his brother away and try to find Haruhi. He knew that challenging this stranger was not a good idea. But he did it anyways. He moved with the music feeling the silk of Kaoru's hair brush against his cheeks.

But all to soon it was over, Kaoru pulled away to dance with the others, the crowd moving, filling in the spot where he had been standing only moments before. Hikaru felt empty once more, dying inside again.

_Why am I doing this to myself? It isn't healthy. _He thought slowly moving towards the dining hall.

"What's wrong little prince." The sudden intrusion made the red head jump.

"Tamaki! Kami you scared the shit out of me." He held his chest as he breathed heavily. "What's up?"

"Oh language, language little prince. I just followed you to ask what was wrong." Said the Frenchman. "So what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to daddy I know when one of my children is upset." Hikaru sighed at the childish antics of the Host Club leader. _Doesn't he understand that not everything is a game? Some people have real issues that don't center around what color blue table cloth should be used. _"Is it Kaoru?"

The oldest Hitachiin gaped up at the tall blond.

" I've noticed you too haven't been causing quite as much trouble around here as usual."

Had he heard right? Might the ditsy, vain, Frenchman actually have some insight into the lives of others? "Hn?"

"I… um… We have just been busy. I mean we do have other people to torture besides you guys."

"Really?" Tamaki tapped his chin looking into space as if deep in thought. "Hmm… Like whom? If you don't mind my asking."

"Um… well... you know… I have to go" Hikaru quickly turned on his heal and left with an awkward sort of haste, pushing his way through the crowd towards the doors. _Air!_ He thought. _Thats what I need. Just some time to clear my mind._

* * *

Kaoru felt the presence and with drawl of his twin as both physical and emotional pain. _How can you do this to me? _He mused angrily to himself as the surrounding girls molded their bodies against his, moving his body the way they wanted. _How can I let you do this to me? You ignore me. Abandon me in our world. Then come back only to wreak havoc on my mind and body before leaving again. Its not fair..._

His silent rant was cut short by warm hands slowly running up his back, rubbing the sore muscles. "You need to take a break." A soft voice whispered in his ear, instantly calming his troubled mind. "You look like you might faint. And if that happens you may not make it out with your virtue, the way this crowd looks." His big warm hand enveloped Kaoru's smaller one as he lead the younger twin towards the door.

Cool air rushed across Kaoru's body, sticky sweat drying on his body. But it felt good. As the door slammed shut the music, that had previously surrounded and consumed the young boys, was muffled so only the heavy steady pulse of bass could be heard

"Thank you." Kaoru gasped, staring up at Benjiro with a sweet smile.

"Anytime." The older boy replied stepping closer to the boy. "You really do look amazing tonight, I could never manage to pull an outfit together like you...and your brother do." He added the latter as an after thought.

The younger boy winced slightly at the mention of his brother. He didnt want to think about him... Not now. Not here. Not with this person.

It was small, minute, almost nonexistent... but it was there, and he saw it. Bejiro saw the reaction on the younger boy's face and he acted. With the swift grace and beauty of a cat pouncing on its prey, he swooped in and captured the red lips of the youngest Hittachin.

They were sweet like spearmint and so soft, impossibly soft. The older boy could have sunk into Kaoru then and been perfectly content. He could feel the boy tense against his body, though he didn't push away. As his tongue ran over the red head's lips Kaoru gasped, but the older boy refused to plunder the boys mouth (no matter how big the temptation) he didn't want to frighten him away.

* * *

Off to the corner standing under the street light stood a boy. He stood in silence, watching the sense before him, with the kind of horrified interest on might watch a car crash.

* * *

**Hey you all once again I thank you for waiting, and those of you that replied I thank you more -... Please read and reply and the next installment will be up next week.**


	4. Oblivion

**Hey yall its B-chan here  
Honey: and Honey munches on cake**

**Yes yes and honey - snuggles honey thank you all for waiting so paciently. I know this chapter is kinda short and maybe not the best, but it is needed to solidify certain relationships and carry the story along, so read it anyways. Honey the disclaimer please.**

**Honey: B-chan does not in any way, shape, or form own Ouran Host Club or any of its members...she does however own Benjiro, and a hampster named Rico, and a hat with bunny ears, and banana pudding, and... mouth gets coverd by B-chan**

**B-chan: On with the reading.**

* * *

Kaoru gasped loudly, his brain temporarily turning to mush as Benjiro kissed him. His lips were warm, warmer than Kaoru thought possible, and hard, the kind of lips meant for grounding ones thoughts. They were slightly chapped, scrapping the small redhead's lips just enough to be noticed but not all unpleasant. It was a nice kiss, but that's all it was, nice, there was none of the passion that he knew should be in a kiss. But it was contact, something the younger Hittachin had been lacking recently. So he clung to the older boy, digging his large but decidedly feminine hands through the long dark locks

"You're shaking" Benjiro said tighening his grip on the boys waist.

Kaoru stared up at him and nodded before burying his face into the white silk of the others shirt. The older boy smelled nice, like his kiss. Thinking about it there were many things that were nice about him. His dark hair, his low voice, his calming presence, these were all just nice. But Kaoru wasn't looking for nice. Not when he had lived his life with the energy and fire of Hikaru...That final thought made him feel guilty like he was cheating on the beautiful dark haired boy before him, but also his redheaded double.

"Benjiro kun...I...I" The words were on the tip of his tongue. But he wasn't sure how to voice them, or even if he wanted to. "I... I mean... this is." The warmth of the older boy penetrated his clothes, causing him to sweat again but it felt...nice. Nice to be comforted, to be protected, to be cared about. Everything that Hikaru had failed to do lately.

"Shh. Its OK, I know you don't care about me. But just give me time." The older boy whispered, his breathing ragged and his voice low and tense. "Give me the rest of the summer to make you care about me...please. At least I will be able to take your mind off of...whoever it is hurt you." Nuzzling the top of Kaoru's head one last time he let the boy go and took two steps back. "I'm not asking you to love me, but you need something more to distract you than this...Host Club" He spoke the last as little more than a sneer.

"Um...I just..." Kaoru looked up into the Amethyst depths of the others eyes. They were brilliant under the dim lighting outside maybe the only thing that wasn't just...nice. The younger Hittachin sighed and opened his mouth to reply only to be cut off by a guttural, angry, almost feral cry. "The Fu-" There was a red blur and the rustle of silk before the sharp unmistakable crack of skin hitting skin.

"HIKARU!" The younger twin yelled. "What are you doing?"

The aforementioned twin sat on top of the dark haired boy glaring down at him. "Don't. Touch. My. Brother." Anger seeping through every fiber of his being, every pore of his body, every cold word he uttered. And not so deep down, in fact just bellow the surface Kaoru swelled with joy at his older brother's possessiveness, that was until Hikaru's rage was directed towards him. "Are you trying to blow our act? Your lucky it was just me who came out and not Kyoya or our fans...or worse Tamaki.

Kaoru's heart sank like a rock, shattering like glass at the pit of his stomach. "Is that all you care about? Our act?" His voice was little more than a whisper,thick with unshed tears.

"If we get kicked out of the host club, then I wont have a chance with Haruhi."

"Oh...yeah I forgot...I'm sorry." _Haruhi...Haruhi...Haruhi..._That word... that name swam in his mind. _She's the reason..._"I'm gonna...go home, I'm not feeling very well now. Um just tell the others I got a headache..." He started towards the parking lot where their shared limo waited. As and afterthought he said over his shoulder. "Have fun with Haruhi"

* * *

Hikaru watched the retreating back of his brother. His beautiful, loving, hurt baby brother. _Im sorry. _He thought and he was, he was sorry that he couldn't control his feelings, he was sorry he couldn't hold his younger brother with all the love he felt, he was sorry he had said those harsh words, but most of all he was sorry that it had been that long haired jerk who had kissed his precious brother. Just then, said long haired jerk, groaned loudly in protest to having the extra weight on his chest. Scratch that the thing he was most sorry for was not killing killing the older boy.

"Hittachi san." Bejiro rasped angrily glaring up at the older red head. "I will give you five seconds to remove yourself from my person." It didn't take five seconds. In less than a heart beat Hikaru was off the older boy and heading towards the door. Feeling dirty and worse than he thought possible. _This is all your fault Kaoru...If you werent so damn tempting none of this would have happend. _He reached for the door, his thoughts quickly changing from remorse to anger. _You couldn't stop with just tempting me... you had to make him want you as well. And whats worse? you let him touch you. _

"That's the first and last time I will tolerate you touching me." A deep voice said from behind him. Hikaru turned only to stare into the cold amethyst eyes of his rival. "I understand you care for your brothers well being, and THAT is the only reason you are still able to stand." He took three steps towards the older hittachin boy. "Next time you wont be so lucky." In one swift motion the dark haired boy reached out and attacked the Brachial pressure point (upper arm) sending instantaneous waves of pain shooting through the redheads arm and shoulder. (really does hurt like a bitch if you get it right) The smaller boy cried out clutching his hurt arm.

With a small polite smile and a nod of his head the dark haired boy took his leave, feeling that his point had been made. Hikaru watched his retreating back with a murderous look.

Even after Benjiro had long disappeared the redhead stood contemplating his next choice of action. Torn between finding the dark haired stranger and killing him or going home to apologize to his beautiful brother. In the end he settled fog going back through the door, back to the welcoming smiles, back to the mind numbing music, back to oblivion. There only happiness and Haruhi's open arms awaited him.

* * *

**Woot woot got it up - thank you all my readers and my reviewers... I would especially like to thank Tokyo Girl 05, it is thanks to her review that I let Hikaru have his fit of violence. I wasn't originally planning on it. Also to one of my anonymous reviewers I'm dreadfully sorry about the clicheness of Hikaru being witness to the kiss. Yes I too hate cliches...but I thought this particular one was needed in order to move things along. I would also like to tell all you angry rabid fangirls that Benjiro is not a bad guy and neither is Haruhi (though god knows I hate her). They are all just static characters that help the protagonist and antagonist move to their designated end -... thank you very much...and next chapter should be up next Sunday.**


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